“Wherever the oppression of bare-lipped sneers threaten the sovereignty of a chin, wherever the strand that binds man to nature is strained, wherever history is trimmed to satisfy the whims of the trimmer, we will be there. We are the whisker that will not be plucked. We are Beardivism.”

Mr. Incredibeard: Metaphysical Manscaper

Feed your eyes at Mr. Incredibeard’s Tumblr.

Feed your soul at his Water for Children Charity.

“A beard is only as long as its shortest whisker; progress requires the cultivation of all constituents.”

Beard of Action: Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci

Polymath.  Renaissance Man.  Multipotentialite.  Homo Universalis.  Call him what you will, da Vinci is the archetype by which creative genius is measured.  An unquenchable curiosity lead da Vinci to pursue and excel at painting, sculpting, architecture, music, math, engineering, inventing, anatomy, geology, cartography, botany and writing.  Where the world today would undoubtedly prescribe a pill in the face of such unbridled multifarious imagination, da Vinci’s predilections flourished under the admiration and support of his contemporary peers and noblemen.  For his perpetual investigation of all things both physical and metaphysical, including the wild frontiers of chin fashion, we hereby name Leonardo da Vinci a patently protean Beard of Action.

Gear’d: Captain Fawcett (CF.332) Private Stock Beard Oil

With recipes purportedly deciphered from the travel journals of a Captain Peabody Fawcett (unrelated, we hope, to famed Nietzschean eugenicist Lt. Colonel Percy Harrison Fawcett), the modern eponymous firm Captain Fawcett Ltd. has developed an array of chin-centric products for today’s gentleman.  We have been recently using Captain Fawcett’s Beard Oil, and must say that the results have been favorable, indeed.

Though, in application, Captain Fawcett’s Beard Oil operates identically to the many others that we have, at one time or another, applied to our face-nethers, it has found its way into our morning sundries rotation.  Captain Fawcett’s oil provides a close enough so as to be practically equal amount of sheen and moisturizing to others we have tried, and bestows, despite our always high hopes, no preternatural growth or abilities, and yet we do find ourselves favoring this precious bottle.  Why, you ask.  Because Captain Fawcett’s Beard Oil smells extraordinary.

Exotic, yet refined, the aromas of patchouli, lemongrass, and cedar linger throughout the day, whispering –not shouting– suggestions of distant dirt-floor markets and unknown shores.  Without overpowering, the way some colognes will, Captain Fawcett Beard Oil’s subtle fragrance remains on the delicate side of the spectrum, more suitable for slacks than denim.  However, the spell this oil casts is potent enough to make even us consider purchasing a set of khakis and taking up adventuring for ourselves, were it not for the sudden and marked escalation of swooning women to occupy us at the present.

If you would like to try a beard salve that’s slightly off the beaten path, we can happily recommend giving Captain Fawcett’s Private Stock Beard Oil a try.

See Captain Fawcett’s website for more details on ordering and other bespoke products.

Captain Fawcett’s informational film on You Tube

Here is the Yeard

Terminalbeard (of terminalbeard.wordpress.com) recently shared some fascinating thoughts and measurements after a full year of unrestricted facial hair growth at his internet blog.  He has not limited his quest for terminal length solely to whiskers, however; TB began his journey twelve months ago with a completely blank canvas: head, chin, even eyebrows.  The resulting growth measurements will surely prove useful to research here, at The Center for Beard Related Studies, but we imagine that, as TB’s fieldwork progresses, the rest of the scientific and academic community will take note.  To read more of the journey, and see the measured results for yourself, please head over to Terminalbeard’s Here is the Yeard.  Beard on, indeed.

“To be free requires cognizance of not just one’s unbeckoned volitions and appetites, but release from these constraints. And when you cast off your social and self-imposed burdens, you find and recognize, at your core, your most basic motivators and natural self. Even the most groomed beards reflect this primeval stuggle for freedom.”

Beard of Action: Ludwig Eduard Boltzmann

Consummate beardivist and scientific revolutionary, Boltzmann was instrumental in furthering Man’s understanding of both statistical mechanics and the modern atomic theory of matter, despite a contemporary academic environment that frequently resisted or misunderstood his ground-breaking work.  His speculation about the nature of chaos, disorder and the physical world, are said to be reflected in the unruly, yet mysteriously methodical shape of his beard.  Boltzmann, long suffering from his own chaotic emotional fragility, unfortunately took his own life before seeing his greatest work recognized by his peers.  For his tremendous contributions to the fields of thermodynamics (see eponymous Boltzmann Constant) and philosophy (see Boltzmann Brain), we hereby name Ludwig Eduard Boltzmann an inherently indeterministic Beard of Action.

The Beard and Virtue via The Catholic Dormitory

The Hound has published some especially well-executed research and insightful interpretation on both the modern physiognomy and historical significance of beard growth over at The Catholic Dormitory.  We highly recommend the read to all The Center’s students and faculty, but claim neither affiliation nor endorsement of any religious content printed therein in any official capacity.  Theological inclinations notwithstanding, we find this portion, in particular, provides a quite thoughtful glimpse into the struggle all Beardivists face at one time or another:

The solution is to grow a beard if you believe it is what God is calling you to do. Look at your life and say, “will facial hair help me in a virtues life?  or will it scandalize those around me and lead them away from the light of Christ? if my beard is not so glorious will it increase my humility? or if my beard is glorious will it fill my pride?”

Please do read on at The Hound’s The Beard and Virtue.

“It is not the beard that confers greatness upon a man, rather it is greatness which seems to so regularly beget the beard. Do not mistake effect for cause.”