If a small child asks “Father, when will I be able to grow a beard?” the father responds “Lament not, whelpling, for your day of Beard is nigh. Remember that patience, too, is a beard of its own accord. Virtues are the unseen beard of the soul, and only by their cultivation might we hope to ascend to the warm, murmuring fold of Beardivist Valhalla (which is also sometimes prickly).” If the child is a girl, discard it.
Beardivists are prone to the occasional hyperbole when it comes to the strength, wisdom and courage a beard, at times, demands or symbolizes. Though we proclaim beards as an outward manifestation of such virtues, they play no intrinsic role in creating them. Regardless of what revered symbolism we may attach, a whisker, or the absence thereof, is just a whisker.
All pretense aside: strength, wisdom and courage are up to you, not your chin.
Read on at EJB’s blog to find your proof:
The Bearded (Relatively Attractive If You Like Them Squidgy) Woman.