Trit at The Aspiring Gentleman shares a wonderfully composed dissertation on the cultural history and present social impacts of the beard, replete with references to Celts, Canadians, and curmudgeons. We have already printed and distributed several hundred copies about The Center for Beard Related Studies campus and the general consensus has been fairly positive. This passage in particular resonated most strongly with several on the Council: “A beard, in my opinion, is to be well-maintained and act as a demonstration of respect towards one’s self and others.”
Our one small, humble correction to this scholarly article would be to re-voice certain portions that seem to imply the beard was dead and is now risen again (by the hands of hipsters, no less). This is certainly not the case. For although Bearding may have fallen out of favor in some circles, it has not at any time been wanting of disciples. We at The Center have seen to that.
Please click here to read Trit’s excellent article.
“In any given social distribution, it is invariably 20% of the beards that grow 80% of the whiskers.”
Italian engineer, economist, and philosopher, Vilfredo Pareto, has outlived the amnesic annals of history in eponymous fashion, being most often associated with the widely accepted and applied concepts of Pareto efficiency and Pareto distribution. These contributions helped to evolve the study of economics from its rational philosophy roots into an empirically researched science, thus propelling social engineering of the early 20th century. Despite the somewhat bleak nature of the power law Pareto discovered (and subsequent political use of it), we hereby name him a pioneering and analytic Beard of Action.
In a recent Huffington Post editorial, sophomoric sociologist Marten Weber claims that men Beard in order to sublimate a, presumably, innately masculine urge to kill, rape and pillage the weak. His specious false-correlation seems to be that mankind, in its darkest and most base infancy, was more violent and (he assumes) predominantly bearded; and though, over time, our violence has been curbed (debatable), our beards have endured, even prospered, as emblem to some dark urge (convenient).
Somehow we are asked to eschew the centuries of social evolution (much of it pioneered and preserved by the hirsute) that are bracketed by Weber’s non-sequitus leaps. Pay no attention to The Center’s Archives. Ignore philosophy; ignore Jesus/Moses/Muhammad; ignore nearly every beneficent male archetype in the social subconsciousness. Certainly these beards are coincidence. “Shave!” Weber cries, wildly waving about his propaganda, genitals, “Shave, or confess your murderous, lecherous, and covetous aspirations!”
Lest the Yet-To-Beard be swayed by Weber’s sophistry, we feel compelled to respond. Hear this, Mr. Weber: A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our [whiskers] and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and [bare chins], when the age of Men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we [Beard]! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, [we] bid you stand, [Ye Good Beardivists]!
A true, modern-day Gutenberg, Cerf is often referred to as the father of the Internet (logically, this makes the clean-shaven Bob Kahn its mother). In May of 1974, Cerf co-authored A Protocol For Packet Network Intercommunication, and the world, with all its cultures, economies and facial pursuits, was forever changed. Though Cerf’s encyclopedia entry is undoubtedly littered with numerous honorary degrees and awards, perhaps none is more fitting than the title of Beard of Action.