“A beard is only as long as its shortest whisker; progress requires the cultivation of all constituents.”

“It is unwise to limit your attention to the reach of your chin, for in focusing solely upon where it is, you lose vision of where it is going. This is the Beardivist Uncertainty Principle.”

“We provide a center for study, not a center for teaching. What you glean from these pages is yours and yours alone.”

“He who judges the beard of another often does so without a mirror at hand.”

LOW: Sausage Fest