Beard of Action: Ludwig Eduard Boltzmann

BoltzmannConsummate beardivist and scientific revolutionary, Boltzmann was instrumental in furthering Man’s understanding of both statistical mechanics and the modern atomic theory of matter, despite a contemporary academic environment that frequently resisted or misunderstood his ground-breaking work.  His speculation about the nature of chaos, disorder and the physical world, are said to be reflected in the unruly, yet mysteriously methodical shape of his beard.  Boltzmann, long suffering from his own chaotic emotional fragility, unfortunately took his own life before seeing his greatest work recognized by his peers.  For his tremendous contributions to the fields of thermodynamics (see eponymous Boltzmann Constant) and philosophy (see Boltzmann Brain), we hereby name Ludwig Eduard Boltzmann an inherently indeterministic Beard of Action.

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The Beard and Virtue via The Catholic Dormitory

catholic dormitory graphic

The Hound has published some especially well-executed research and insightful interpretation on both the modern physiognomy and historical significance of beard growth over at The Catholic Dormitory.  We highly recommend the read to all The Center’s students and faculty, but claim neither affiliation nor endorsement of any religious content printed therein in any official capacity.  Theological inclinations notwithstanding, we find this portion, in particular, provides a quite thoughtful glimpse into the struggle all Beardivists face at one time or another:

The solution is to grow a beard if you believe it is what God is calling you to do. Look at your life and say, “will facial hair help me in a virtues life?  or will it scandalize those around me and lead them away from the light of Christ? if my beard is not so glorious will it increase my humility? or if my beard is glorious will it fill my pride?”

Please do read on at The Hound’s The Beard and Virtue.

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“It is not the beard that confers greatness upon a man, rather it is greatness which seems to so regularly beget the beard. Do not mistake effect for cause.”

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LOW: On the One Percent

Just because the one percent is inevitable doesn't mean you should be a d!ck about it.  One percent net worth pareto economics income gap beard comic hurk.

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November , 2013 · am

“Though we love the beard, we do hate the word, for it is the invention of terms like beard or wilderness that has separated man spiritually from his natural condition.”

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Rearing a Beardivist #13

When a small child asks “Father, why aren’t Beardivists just born with beards?” he responds “The one iron law and most cruel irony of Nature is the scarcity of ‘Good’ things.  That which comes without toil or sacrifice is not recognized by a Yet-To-Beard as ‘Good’, until they are deprived of it.  Thus, the Great Beard in the Sky does not abide us to bristle until we prove our gratitude for even the least of favors He has bestowed upon us.  Then are we allowed His greatest gift of all.”  If the child objects, deprive it of potable waters.

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LOW: On Celebrities and Politicians

celebrities and politicians both kind of stink and Margaret Thatcher slips a nip beard comic

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November , 2013 · am