Dear Beardivism Reader,
The greatest sacrifice you can make is to give up what you value most. Beardivism.com does not ask you to grow a beard for a month (vis-a-vis Movember); surely you are here because you have done so already. We ask that at the end of Decembeard you consider shaving your beard. (Egads and Poppycock!) This request is not, however, without qualification.
From December 1st to December 31st we invite you to raise donations towards your favorite charity with a specific and public dollar goal which, when met, will trigger the shaving of your beard. Set your goal too low, and your whiskers fall cold, alone and without ceremony; set your goal too high and they live to grow another day; set your goal at a lofty, yet achievable, amount and your bristles shall be writ into the annals of Beardom as gallant casualties in the crusade for bearded enlightenment and, indeed, for the benefit of mankind. You may impart as much fanfare as you like to the denuding of your jawline; but if history is any indication, everyone loves a good show.
Imagine greeting the New Year and those close to you with a blank slate and nothing but aspirations for the future of your chin. Imagine also the wisdom and virtues imparted to you via bearded pursuits. Do you really believe that’s a philosophy you’re growing? The growth, so to speak, is all in your head.
Ask your parents, your siblings, your friends, your spouse and your coworkers how much they would be willing to pay for the chance to see your lovely jowls once again. And consider the real and urgent causes who could put their donated money to use. Ask your beard “what would you do?”
The choice is yours.
The Center for Beard Related Studies and Beardivism.com
Dictated. Not read.