Several of your fellow co-workers feel as though your daily inspirational quotes are purposefully chosen to alienate the bearded. Although I’m sure this isn’t the case, there are others in the office becoming quite disgruntled with the lack of beard-themed and/or beard-authored wisdom. Some are even threatening litigation. We trust our formal request for more Freud, Socrates or Lincoln will end the discriminatory atmosphere currently being fostered in our work environment.
The League of Whiskers
P.S. Pitt’s waffling on beard issues precludes his qualification (to no great loss), in case you are wondering.